Dumb beauty queens and me.

A beauty pageant is supposed to showcase elegance, style and culture, suffice it to say the Miss Kyengera beauty pageant was lacking in all aspects save one which is unfortunately not one of the benchmarks, comedy.

Having never officiated as a judge in any capacity whatsoever be it an ant race, to say that my nervousness was bordering on hysteria would be putting it mildly. To begin with not all the contestants were in the house by the time the show kicked off, they started trickling in much later after the opening round which was ‘what would you wear on a date?’ was coming to an end, that alleviated my apprehension somewhat because my points roster swelled from 4 contestants to 10 Phew! Did I just say points roster? Well that’s something I made up on the spur of the moment, given that the organizer asked me to officiate an hour before the contest.

The points roster had columns that gave points out of ten in these areas- Smile, Catwalk, Costume, Confidence and Intelligence. The contest was spread out over six sessions which included the first one I just mentioned above followed by office wear, beach wear, creative wear, traditional wear and finally dinner attire.

As the contest dragged on four contestants caught my attention, there was Delphine a point five who had the allure of a persian princess she was neck on neck which a chick called Cossy whose dark chocolate skin sent your imagination wandering into forbidden territory and then there was Carla who was close to six foot and had a smile to die for, Carla could have easily won but there was something about the way she walked that just didn’t sit very well with me, the other possible winner was Britney who was pretty too but she was never going to win given my prejudice brought about by prior knowledge that she had a baby with a local bouncer.

So there I was preparing the easiest questions even a retard could answer in their sleep. Thinking things would be quick and easy I proudly announced the Q & A session and went ahead to ask my first question to Cossy which was, ‘What is the capital of USA?’ blink blink, subdued look, twisting of lips- and then the answer ‘Newyork’ my dumbfound looked told the story- it was going to be a long night. Next up was Delphine the halfcaste- Name one Indian investor we have in Uganda – This question was prompted by the fact that she was donning a sari, same confused look and then no answer, by this time the audience was screaming – ‘duh! Sudhir or Karim’ but she just didn’t get it. Enter Britney whose question was the simplest of the simplest – Who is Barack Obamas wife? She clinched it in a hurry and I then moved on to Carla who was supposed to let us know who the Katikiro of Buganda was, her answer was a confident Semwogerere. My jaw dropped.

After that the rest of the night remains a blur partly brought on by the dumb contestant’s answers and partly by the Club beer I was imbibing in copious amounts.

Normzo had vowed to put out a contract on me if I didn’t post this pronto and Jny promised all the pints in the world if I posted like yesterday so here we are.

Feast your eyes.  first up is Britney

Notice the flash of white at the epicenter

Delphine disappointed with the black shorts underneath

Cossy striking a pose

Cossy in traditional attireDelphine in a Sari

yours truly, representing.

The bloody waitress was taking her bloody time in keeping the Clubs flowing.

My preference for Dark skinned beauties is legendary but there are times when the allure of light skinned cream is too overpowering to ignore so Delphine won.

Not exactly how I had planned my comeback but what the heck! Lets Recap.

Got there at nine skipped out of the taxi and climbed the steep curb turn leading up to Mateos, I wore that facial expression that people usually put on when expecting to meet a distant relative or a long lost friend, you know the one that’s half way between a forced smile and feigned surprise.

Well that expression turned into utter bewilderment when my eyes scanned the entire  pavement seating area and finding no one closely resembling a blogger, several thoughts raced through my mind one of which was that I had  been away too long that the entire blogging fraternity had metamorphosed into a different species all together with altered DNA.

I was just about to turn and head back home when lo and behold his Majesty King of Rogue materialized right in front of me and promptly dispatched me to a table inside that had several emissaries standing around it, the estrogen kingdom ambassadors in the form of Darlyene, Helen, Doreen and Xiona were very much in attendance doing justice to colorful, attractive, futuristic cocktail drinks.

The beer swigging blokes that hung around the princesses of cocktailia were the towering Normzo and Jny who looked like they had just closed a multi billion dollar takeover of Google and were celebrating the success of months of hard sweat and toil, King and Street were deep in conversation when I walked in so I didn’t greet street till later, although when I did I made the blunder of reminding him of his screwed up laptop, what a way to ruin a guys night, it’s just like when you go out to get over this chick and spot one who looks just like her standing in the opposite corner of the room. I spoke to Rhino who apparently thought I write for the paper, I was like hell no, if I did I’d give all my assignments to my 15 year old kid brother while I played pool all day.

Darlyene was sweet, I was loading a kalukumi AT of UTL and she gave me this look the said ‘poor thing’ and reached into her bag for a 2000k AT which she handed over to me, and just to rub it in some more she said she had simply bought it to get change, I said it then and I’ll say it again, DEE for PRESIDENT.

Dear Blogren,  I hung around sipping my Club for about 45 minutes before saying my goodbyes.

Jny works less that 50 feet from our building so am gon hop over there and ask him for some help coz I seem to have forgotten how to upload a post.

CIAO.