Braveheart Vs Troy

Looks like the enemy has reached our shores and is steadily marching towards my castle, the look out scouts have reliably informed me that our troops are outnumbered 3 to 1, with such superior numbers against us, my army however vastly experienced wont be able to hold the enemy back for more that five days, I could barricade the entire population behind the city walls and hope to tire out the invader by forcing him to engage in a long and exhausting siege of the city but that would be inviting an even more debilitating foe, Hunger and his step cousin Disease. So here’s what I’m gonna do, am gon  take on the enemy head on in a battle that will determine the future of my people and the honour of my race, let everyman remember that the blogckers can take our lives but they can never take our freedom….CHARGE……………

Okay I xeroxed the last line from Braveheart and tweaked it to fit into my post, what else would you rather have me do?, desperate times call for desperate measures, I can see the enemy approaching in the distance the dust raised by his galloping horses forms a huge brown cloud that hangs over the horizon like the very angel of death.

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I slithered out of BHH like a serpent that’s been frightened by an even more menacing predator, only Normzo saw me leave coz I bid him farewell and looked for the nearest taxi, Lulu was bunched together with other Bloggers whom I really cant recall, they were engrossed in a conversation on some topic that seemed so interesting to the entire bunch I really didn’t want to intrude just to say aurevoir, so I let them be, besides most had already hugged me goodbye, before I forget there was this female who sat for a while on Dee’s and Dante’s and Carlo’s table, I admit I didn’t introduce myself but every time I tried to talk to Carlo she looked at me like I was this intruder trying to gatecrash a private party, I made a mental note of asking her who she was but then somebody else caught my attention, it musta been B2B, sup dude?

Next day was a Friday and I just couldn’t be bothered with work, I dressed in jeans and sandals and just went through the motions like a robot, I couldn’t tell you what happened at work that day even if you held a gun to my head, although I do remember what happened after 9:00 pm when I jumped onto that taxi to Kyengera, I didn’t bother with the shower, it was first to rolex then to pub, I was looking forward to meeting the hot bartender who had entered her number into my phone the previous weekend, time check 10:30pm and I slide into the joint leaving a lingering scent of my AXE spray in my wake, she wasn’t there, the owner who took her place behind the counter told me she was in villa burying her dead sister. (As I type this I make a mental note, I need to call her and give my condolences, like hell I will, am not very good with recalling mental notes.)

So the night drags on as we pump the D-Jay so full of Guinness just so we can impose on him our requests for one oldie after another, we danced to lots of golden Jams from washed up and wasted artists like Bobby brown, Alpha ville, Chaka Khan, Milli Vanilli, Kylie Minnogue ,Kenny Thomath actually it’s Thomas but by this time my speech was slurred by the alarming rate at which I was making the contents of Club bottles disappear into my alimentary canal.  Its 2 fuckin 30 am and the bar has emptied out looks like it’s just us and the DJ so I make one request for the road- ‘Silent morning’- the lousy Schmuck hasn’t got it so I cancel his next round of Guinness and stagger to my bed which luckily for me is 200 meters away.

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The sound of clashing steel fills the air and merges with the deafening roar of war cries, the ground beneath my feet is thick with the blood of dead warriors, blood of vanquished foes and fallen comrades spilled in a battle that still rages on all around me, the smell of the blood fills my nostrils, I pause for a second to loosen my helmet desperately seeking for some relief from the suffocating scent of human blood, this is one moment of weakness that nearly costs me my life, as I pull up the visor, from the corner of my eye I see a shape coming down at me with alarming velocity, I blindly parry the blow with my shield which is instantly knocked out of my grasp, I’m defenseless, will I live to tell Ug girl my war tales? I hold my sword with both hands and watch as the Blogcker raises his axe for a second blow, I stand still and watch the axe come down again, ‘Your Grace’ I hear the Duke of Sleek scream a warning but still I stand motionless, then at the last second I go down on one knee using it as a fulcrum to rotate and turn my back to the Blogcker, in the same movement I thrust my sword in a backward blow over my head impaling the bastard……………………….

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Saturday was payback day, the beers have done serious damage to my ulcers and I painfully reach for my stack of Omeprazole tabs, I hurriedly swallow one as I speed dial the Katogo shack…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

………………………………………………………..1 hour later I am all set for some homeplex action, in goes Public enemies and I lean back expecting the very best from Depp and Bale, well I could have been better off waiting for hell to freeze over coz the brothers sucked, UMEME promptly put me out of my misery after 1 hour of torture. Later that night Dreamgirls was my only reprieve so I slipped it in to see what I had missed, well not much but I’ll tell you one thing Hudson was born to sing.

Sunday was a blast, why I had put off Entourage for this long is just fuckin insane. Ari Gold is like the most fuckingly, amazingly, annoyingly punk headed wiseass on the globe. Any one got discs season 2-4?

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The Blogckers have broken their ranks and are heading for the hills, I let off a loud shout and give the command for my army to give pursuit………………..but not before calling for the Knights of the scrolls to rescue Erique and Antipop at all costs.

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 Fab week.