Dumb beauty queens and me.

A beauty pageant is supposed to showcase elegance, style and culture, suffice it to say the Miss Kyengera beauty pageant was lacking in all aspects save one which is unfortunately not one of the benchmarks, comedy.

Having never officiated as a judge in any capacity whatsoever be it an ant race, to say that my nervousness was bordering on hysteria would be putting it mildly. To begin with not all the contestants were in the house by the time the show kicked off, they started trickling in much later after the opening round which was ‘what would you wear on a date?’ was coming to an end, that alleviated my apprehension somewhat because my points roster swelled from 4 contestants to 10 Phew! Did I just say points roster? Well that’s something I made up on the spur of the moment, given that the organizer asked me to officiate an hour before the contest.

The points roster had columns that gave points out of ten in these areas- Smile, Catwalk, Costume, Confidence and Intelligence. The contest was spread out over six sessions which included the first one I just mentioned above followed by office wear, beach wear, creative wear, traditional wear and finally dinner attire.

As the contest dragged on four contestants caught my attention, there was Delphine a point five who had the allure of a persian princess she was neck on neck which a chick called Cossy whose dark chocolate skin sent your imagination wandering into forbidden territory and then there was Carla who was close to six foot and had a smile to die for, Carla could have easily won but there was something about the way she walked that just didn’t sit very well with me, the other possible winner was Britney who was pretty too but she was never going to win given my prejudice brought about by prior knowledge that she had a baby with a local bouncer.

So there I was preparing the easiest questions even a retard could answer in their sleep. Thinking things would be quick and easy I proudly announced the Q & A session and went ahead to ask my first question to Cossy which was, ‘What is the capital of USA?’ blink blink, subdued look, twisting of lips- and then the answer ‘Newyork’ my dumbfound looked told the story- it was going to be a long night. Next up was Delphine the halfcaste- Name one Indian investor we have in Uganda – This question was prompted by the fact that she was donning a sari, same confused look and then no answer, by this time the audience was screaming – ‘duh! Sudhir or Karim’ but she just didn’t get it. Enter Britney whose question was the simplest of the simplest – Who is Barack Obamas wife? She clinched it in a hurry and I then moved on to Carla who was supposed to let us know who the Katikiro of Buganda was, her answer was a confident Semwogerere. My jaw dropped.

After that the rest of the night remains a blur partly brought on by the dumb contestant’s answers and partly by the Club beer I was imbibing in copious amounts.

Normzo had vowed to put out a contract on me if I didn’t post this pronto and Jny promised all the pints in the world if I posted like yesterday so here we are.

Feast your eyes.  first up is Britney

Notice the flash of white at the epicenter

Delphine disappointed with the black shorts underneath

Cossy striking a pose

Cossy in traditional attireDelphine in a Sari

yours truly, representing.

The bloody waitress was taking her bloody time in keeping the Clubs flowing.

My preference for Dark skinned beauties is legendary but there are times when the allure of light skinned cream is too overpowering to ignore so Delphine won.