Silent night, holy crap!

Here we go again………I don’t hate Christmas, please Oh! God no, don’t get me wrong, I simply loathe it.

The only reason you’d wish me a merry Christmas and send me a card is the same reason you’d greet me good morning, a perfunctory gesture that is as empty as it is careless, we have become conditioned to perform a set of mechanized rituals that are nothing more than reflex reactions to our environment.

Don’t take me for a bible totting evangelist hell bent on condemning every sinner to eternal doom, what I  am simply driving at is that it is abhorrent to use a holiday, any holiday as an excuse to give me a bonus when what I need is a raise, it is distasteful to invite me to your three storied mansion in Bunga and treat me to a sumptuous buffet complete with enough booze to sail a cruise liner when you know I live in a two roomed squalid muzigo in Kyengera. Christmas shouldn’t be a time to remind the world that you have such a healthy balance sheet you can afford to throw a few extra hundered thousands to your employees as a thank you gesture, I would be more content with a crystal ball that could tell me how soon I can have your job Mr. CEO, so I can throw an even bigger party when I build my mansion.

The carols have lost the magical appeal they had two decades ago, they sound like a college rival fraternity anthem that has been regurgitated so many times you wish you’d be allowed to tweak the verses a little and come up with a version that doesn’t make you want to drink yourself into a coma, no wonder some smart ass had to invent a Santa Claus myth to keep the kids hooked, otherwise their discerning minds would have no problem seeing through the charade we have come to know as Noël mass.

I don’t mind the commercialization of the holiday season though, all those attractive shopping discounts and offers are just a means to incite a frenzy and shopping mania which is my favorite part about capitalism – any excuse to make a quick buck is welcome be it a famine or a bloody war, who the hell cares, I mean if you had a few billion idiots willing to spend their last penny just to satisfy their thirst to belong and be one with the rest as they celebrate the birthday of some chap who died and reportedly rose 2000 years ago, wouldn’t you make money off of them? I know I would.

My brothers in the transport business know what I’m talking about, they know how to remind everyone that much as they may be going to the village to feast on roast birds and animals, there are people starving in Somalia, our learned conductors and touts double their fares but, hey what do you know? Folks still fork out the cash to go and eat their x-mas wherever they feel it is cooked best.

Hold on folks, my phones’ ringing.

“Hey peter what’s up?  ………..x-mas party?…… Where?………………no I think I’ll pass…………  sexy what?…………..strippers?……….you gotta be kidding me……what? ……lapdance? No shit?…………yep!……yep!……yep!…. I’ll be there in 10.

Gotta go people looks like there is something good about Christmas after all.